Dear Anxiety which Shouldn’t Have a Passport

Dear Kelly,

IMG_1100Sorry this letter is so late! As you know, I had a bit of a difficult re-entry into American life. There was sleep deprivation involved, so I’ve decided to go ahead and blame that. I had originally planned for this to be my New Year/Birthday reflection letter, but I have an emotions hangover so I’m not going to reflect on things I want, how I’ve changed or anything like that.

IT’S TOO MUCH I TELL YOU.

We Danvers have a bit of a struggle with living in the moment, as you mentioned. We’re not very good at it. We plan ahead a lot, we think too much, we have an answer for everything. To live in the moment, to appreciate the grass we’re on.

Exhibit A: I had a bit of anxiety after you left Australia. What on earth did I do to deserve a month long vacation?! Nothing. Literally nothing. I’m the worst.

And obviously the spiral keeps going. This only got worse because I’m usually very good at putting aside my weird anxieties so that I can enjoy adventures. It took me a couple of days this time. This isn’t to say that I didn’t enjoy myself. I had an AWESOME time running around with the parents. Even when Dad was driving us through the rainforest on a road that was the width of one car, while I was having a minor allergic reaction to an unidentified…something…that was not a cashew, as far as I know. But yeah, even then, it was awesome.

IMG_0886Still, I had a bit of trouble staying in the moment. I wrestled myself there eventually, and it was totally worth it. But if it’s that hard when you’re on a free vacation in Australia with two of the coolest people in the world, then you know there’s a bit of a problem.

I think in this case the anxiety is mostly about what I’m doing next – where do I want to go, where is that going to take me? Where do I want to live? All of these decisions that could take me somewhere I’m not sure about because I don’t know where it is. Also all of the job descriptions that I’m looking at sound impenetrable and impossible and capitalism sucks.

What was it you were saying about living in the moment?

Has the deflection worked? You didn’t really want to know about my reflections on myself in this, the 27th year of my life and the year 2016, right? I didn’t think so.

Catch ya later kiddo. Love you!
Sara

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