Dear Wants and Needs

Dear Sara,

I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said, about how Australia is much more like home than we thought it would be. I think I would have to agree. When I was studying abroad in England (University if Sussex in Brighton, for those playing along at home) I had this constant feeling that eventually, all this “stuff” would become normal.

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Majestic land bridge that decides who’s worthy

Of course it never does. Unless you’ve been there for half your life, everything you do, from where you work to what you eat to all the sounds you hear is going against nature. Grocery stores have different names and prices, public transportation is very strange. At least all the dogs are still super fluffy and cute.

And I think it’s those little things that help everyone stay sane when they’re out of their element. And it’s also why I think sharing information and sharing culture is so important! Think about how we would have fared in Australia if we hadn’t watch Miss Fishers so many times to prepare?? Probably about the same, but you get the point.

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These vines eat trees for breakfast. Creepy. 

It makes what Dad said about Australia not being on a fault line and having prehistoric trees so awesome. And honestly, the differences in the landscape are one of the things I try to see and differentiate whenever I’m trying somewhere new. I think that’s because I am constantly finding whats the same about two different places. And seeing the differences in how the earth moves and shapes itself helps to remind me that YOU ARE IN AN ENTIRELY NEW PLACE! THERE ARE NEW THINGS TO SEE. WHY AREN’T YOU SEEING??

This is why I got so testy that one day when the family was taking their sweet time getting out of the house to go to that awesome hippy village Maleny. THERE WERE THINGS TO SEE AND DO AND WE WERE NOT SEEING AND DOING.

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I mean you wouldn’t want to leave this view either

This can of course be linked to new job and new opportunities as well. I keep hoping that my job will become NORMAL and I won’t feel like I am messing up everyday. But getting used to places and people takes time. Effort is involved in everything we do, which is frankly the worst if you ask me. I along with everyone else I am sure, want things to be a little bit easier. But then it would be boring and I would complain about that. ALL THE THINGS. I WANT ALL THE THINGS.

Alas.

Anyways, question: When you first arrive in a foreign country what are the things that stick out to you the most? What do you find yourself consciously or unconsciously looking for? I remember there was this one time I was walking around DC and I had this moment where I pretended to be someone who had never seen the US and had never walked around it before. The streets of Barcelona and DC are eerily similar; giant, opposing, unnecessary, and a god-send all at once. It’s kind of cool when you start thinking about what others notice; like trying to find a pattern for hours and then someone just walks by and picks it out like it’s nothing. I hate those people.

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They probably look something like this

ALSO TANGENT: Can you watch the War & Peace mini series with Paul Dano, Lily James, and James Norton? Because I gotta know if it’s worth it. Just think about it.

Well dear sister, it’s been super real. I wish with my whole heart I could be chilling with y’all.

KELLY

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Dear 2016

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Dear Sara,

I am writing to you from my humble abode in Hoboken, NJ. As we discussed in the car on the way to Maleny, a little hippie town in Queensland, AUS we are writing letters to each other for the month of January. After *cough* 2 months *cough* of little *cough* no *cough* updates on this blog, we collectively decided it was time to kick our ass in gear and get this shit done as the youngins are saying these days.

Don’t worry mom, I punched myself for the use of that swear word.*

ANYWAYS, life here in New York is freakin cold, much colder than I anticipated. This makes me sad as you are still in the beautiful, beachy, Australia. It occurs to me that people reading this post probably want me to talk about our trip instead of rambling to you. WELL TOO BAD.

I joke. I’ll post some pictures soon. In short, it was amazing and I really, really didn’t want to leave.

Part of the reason I didn’t want to leave, dear sister, was because I was leaving you and the parents. You guys are my favorite people! MORE SAPPY THINGS. The other part was REAL LIFE. REAL LIFE is scary. It’s hard. It’s expensive. Honestly REAL LIFE doesn’t have a lot going for it, I don’t know why it’s so popular. But apparently it’s necessary, so I’ll play along with this game for a while until I figure out a way to not.  I greeted Monday morning at 7:00AM with the usual string of expletives that would result in numerous punches from the family, while I willed myself to face the cold, cold, coldness. And though I am being super dramatic about it, it wasn’t as terrible as I thought it would be.

I think I love New Years more than any other time of the year because it’s really is time when you can think about new beginnings. Everyone is with you. Want to join a gym? DO IT! Want to stop spending so much money on things you don’t need? WE’RE HERE FOR YOU! Want to detox your body by quitting alcohol? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? I digress, but you know what I mean.

And honestly, I’ve never felt better about starting new things than I have right now, at the beginning of 2016. Not gonna lie, your goal setting packet that your one of your favorite bloggers, Nicole Antoinette, made is helping me focus on what I want out of this year. But I’ve also never felt more in control of my own happiness.

I think this comes from the independence I’ve gained over the past year. But I also think it’s because I’ve gotten so much better at being nicer to myself. You know me – my worst fear is disappointing people, which results in the expectations I place on myself to be sky high, much higher than is really conceivably possible. I want ALL THE THINGS and if I don’t get ALL THE THINGS than I have FAILED and am NOT WORTHY. Have that rattle around in your brain for god knows how long and it’s starts to become your identity.

But I don’t want that to be my identity. I don’t want to be disappointed in myself anymore. I want to feel good about what I am doing and know that, as long as I am happy and those around me are too, than it’s going to be okay. Do I still have goals and ambitions? Totally. Will I be okay if something completely different happens in my life? Totally. As long as I am happy and I am making a difference, I’m gonna be okay.

It took me a long time to get here, THIS COMFORTABLE PLACE, but I suppose that’s what growing up is about. I have to say, I hope this sunny disposition stays for the rest of this year. It’s your job to make that happen. No excuses.

Give my love to the parents. And to the beach.

LOVE, KELLY

PS. CITYCATS CAN GO FAST.

*When I first arrived in Australia, my mother pointed out that I had a pretty dirty mouth and since I was probably going to kiss her a few times during those two weeks, the family implemented a rule that I would get punched every time I swore. And double punched when I said I didn’t give a f***. LOVE YOU FAMILY.