Dear Time

Dear Sara,

I’m starting to think we have a time management issue. At least I know I do. Time is hard because it’s pretty linear when we are operating day to day, but it’s also a very abstract, man-made concept. Time isn’t just a fact, it can feel fast or slow. And then there’s always the question of what the correct amount of time is, for anything.

For instance I have been at my new job close to five months now. When I think about that, my head explodes. Five months is kind of a long time for anything. But I don’t feel like I’ve been here for five months. A month and a half, maybe. But five seems excessive, especially since the longest I’ve worked full time at any place is maybe three months.

It just serves as a reminder about how super weird time is. But we know this. We watch Doctor Who. It’s timey-wimey and somehow that makes sense.

When our nature is to overthink everything, time can become a problem. It stretches or it shrinks depending on how panicked we are. It never really does what we want it to do. And everyone feels this; it’s why 10 minutes waiting for a train or for food is the worst 10 minutes of most of our lives. Being aware of your seconds ticking away is both a blessing and a curse.

Though my time management issue is profound, I think it comes more from my anxiety about what I want the rest of my life to look like. I have a general idea about what I want, in that I know roughly where I want to live and how much money I want to make. But beyond that, I’m not really sure. And I think that makes time management hard, because if you don’t know what you want to do, how do you know how much time it will take you to get there?

It’s really hard being in this position. I don’t want to waste time. I don’t want to be idle. I want my time to mean something. But I get stuck between the wanting and the doing. There’s a vision in my head but when it’s executed, it looks nothing like the picture. Is it because I am not taking enough time or too little? Am I not paying attention to the right things? And in the end, does it really matter? John Lennon once said, “Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted.”

I think if you squint really hard you’ll see what he’s really saying is, go spend a month in Australia with your parents. Why? Because you can and you’ve earned it.

Love, Kelly

P.S. It’s been a month of writing letters!!! I think it’s time to make like HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL.

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