I am writing to you from my humble abode in Hoboken, NJ. As we discussed in the car on the way to Maleny, a little hippie town in Queensland, AUS we are writing letters to each other for the month of January. After *cough* 2 months *cough* of little *cough* no *cough* updates on this blog, we collectively decided it was time to kick our ass in gear and get this shit done as the youngins are saying these days.
Don’t worry mom, I punched myself for the use of that swear word.*
ANYWAYS, life here in New York is freakin cold, much colder than I anticipated. This makes me sad as you are still in the beautiful, beachy, Australia. It occurs to me that people reading this post probably want me to talk about our trip instead of rambling to you. WELL TOO BAD.
I joke. I’ll post some pictures soon. In short, it was amazing and I really, really didn’t want to leave.
Part of the reason I didn’t want to leave, dear sister, was because I was leaving you and the parents. You guys are my favorite people! MORE SAPPY THINGS. The other part was REAL LIFE. REAL LIFE is scary. It’s hard. It’s expensive. Honestly REAL LIFE doesn’t have a lot going for it, I don’t know why it’s so popular. But apparently it’s necessary, so I’ll play along with this game for a while until I figure out a way to not. I greeted Monday morning at 7:00AM with the usual string of expletives that would result in numerous punches from the family, while I willed myself to face the cold, cold, coldness. And though I am being super dramatic about it, it wasn’t as terrible as I thought it would be.
I think I love New Years more than any other time of the year because it’s really is time when you can think about new beginnings. Everyone is with you. Want to join a gym? DO IT! Want to stop spending so much money on things you don’t need? WE’RE HERE FOR YOU! Want to detox your body by quitting alcohol? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? I digress, but you know what I mean.
And honestly, I’ve never felt better about starting new things than I have right now, at the beginning of 2016. Not gonna lie, your goal setting packet that your one of your favorite bloggers, Nicole Antoinette, made is helping me focus on what I want out of this year. But I’ve also never felt more in control of my own happiness.
I think this comes from the independence I’ve gained over the past year. But I also think it’s because I’ve gotten so much better at being nicer to myself. You know me – my worst fear is disappointing people, which results in the expectations I place on myself to be sky high, much higher than is really conceivably possible. I want ALL THE THINGS and if I don’t get ALL THE THINGS than I have FAILED and am NOT WORTHY. Have that rattle around in your brain for god knows how long and it’s starts to become your identity.
But I don’t want that to be my identity. I don’t want to be disappointed in myself anymore. I want to feel good about what I am doing and know that, as long as I am happy and those around me are too, than it’s going to be okay. Do I still have goals and ambitions? Totally. Will I be okay if something completely different happens in my life? Totally. As long as I am happy and I am making a difference, I’m gonna be okay.
It took me a long time to get here, THIS COMFORTABLE PLACE, but I suppose that’s what growing up is about. I have to say, I hope this sunny disposition stays for the rest of this year. It’s your job to make that happen. No excuses.
Give my love to the parents. And to the beach.
PS. CITYCATS CAN GO FAST.
*When I first arrived in Australia, my mother pointed out that I had a pretty dirty mouth and since I was probably going to kiss her a few times during those two weeks, the family implemented a rule that I would get punched every time I swore. And double punched when I said I didn’t give a f***. LOVE YOU FAMILY.